Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
