I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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