just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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