Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
