there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
