Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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