Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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