He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
