WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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