Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
