He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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