I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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