Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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