drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
