Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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