Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
