I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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