the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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