my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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