that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
