i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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