Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
