Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
