Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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