My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
These tits shall not be calmed
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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