Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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