Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
