How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
