my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
