I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
