he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
