i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
