I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
