yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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