Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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