Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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