Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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