why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
