The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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