I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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