every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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