Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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