i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
