If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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