It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
