party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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