the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
