I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
