I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
