It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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