"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
