we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
