I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if only i could text you this smell
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
