Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
