my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
