This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
