apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
