I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
