theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
