Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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