Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
