Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
