Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
