thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
