this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
