ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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