why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
