what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
