I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
