It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
