I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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