i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
