I should be sponsored by Trojan
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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